October 10, 2009
Kudos to our Glorious Dear Leader Obama on winning the Nobel Peace Prize; some people may question why you were awarded, but not I. Pay no attention to those, like Congressman Ron Paul; who happens to point out that, “the (NPP) Application had to be in on February 1st (2009), and he (Obama) had only been in Office a total of 12 days…”. The Doubting Tom’s and Debby Downers out there have no idea why you were rightfully awarded the Prestigious Nobel Peace Prize, but I do. It is no coincidence that he won this Award on the same day as his Greatest Victory; not only for the American People, but for the entire world.
You see, on the day Obama took Office as our 44th President; he was briefed that the Planet was under a great threat of epic proportions. Without hesitation, President Obama sprung into action; knowing that he was about to Save the Earth, his loving wife Michelle went ahead and got our Beloved Leader’s Nobel Peace Prize Application filled out, and mailed off to Oslo, Norway before the deadline. At the same time he began working behind the scenes on the most ambitious plan in the long course of Human History. While most Americans were sleeping on Friday, October 09, 2009; the Primitive Strike against humanities greatest enemy was carried out.
You see, Ladies and Gentlemen; President Barrack H. Obama saved us all this morning, and you didn’t even know it. Along with NASA, the President launched a successful and most daring surprise attack against the evil and cold blooded Moon People. For decades now, the violent race of Moon People looked down on Earth across the not so distance depths of space with very envious eyes, and didn’t take too kindly to all the Astronauts we sent up to the Moon. After threatening to destroy the Earth back in the 1970’s for littering on the Moon; we secretly agreed never to go back to the Moon again. Decades went by, and people had forgotten about the threat looming from Earth’s satellite.
Moon People are approximately 8 feet tall, have cybernetic implants, and powers that would make the X-Men look like the X-Boys. For Decades they had been building their Super Invasion Fleet, Legions of Clone Soldiers, and were set to begin the Attack of Earth on October 20, 2009. However, they didn’t count on one man; the Greatest Man to ever live, President Hussein Obama. Before they could launch their invasion; the Moon People were all wiped out in a single blow by the LCROSS, resulting in the destruction of their Secret Moon Base. We can all rejoice now and be thankful to our Dear Leader for saving us all, and all he got in return for his hard work was a little Nobel Peace Prize.
You all can rest easy now that Big Brother is watching out for us; thanks to the Department of Homeland Security, Patriot Act, Military Commissions Act, REAL ID, Expansion of FISA, PDD51, John Warner Defense Authorization Act, and all those wonder elected officials of ours who have done their part to do away with that crummy old, and moldy document known as The Constitution, it was so 20th Century. Even our Second Greatest President, George W. Bush knew this to be true when he referred to it as, “Just a Goddamned Piece of Paper!” Both of these Great Americans did their part to build up the Government, and protect us from those dastardly vile soulless Moon People. It does remind me of something a guy named Ben once said, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety”. What the hell does he know anyways, it’s not like they had a race of damn dirty extra terrestrial beings to deal with back in the day.