My beloved children:
I come to you with blessings and beer. Imbibe freely of my celestial crock:
You have suffered long and patiently from repeated promises, and promises multiplied and promises dangled beyond your reach. In truth, we who watch from our omnipresent technology as we string out these undelivered promises are dazzled by your inability to comprehend reality. It is truly a wonder to us, and we thank you for allowing us to mess with your heads so freely.
On our evolved planet, we are trained in logic, reason and discernment. You do us a great service by providing us mirth and sport as you exercise your credulity and blind passivity. We need not own cats who tumble after string; we have you, our beloved sheep. Our own cats, actually, are too smart to be persistently fooled.
It is with joy and wonder, therefore, that I must report that you are all due to receive Prosperity Packages in pure gold from our allies situated beneath the Brooklyn Bridge. These will be delivered upon conclusion of your free mothership ride to Beyondananda, all expenses paid, of course. We will need only your credit card number and its security code for your verification. Spa fees are additional, and be sure to tip the limo driver.
And we humbly thank you, indeed, for your brave and forthright civil action in allowing us in your stead to hold your elected officials responsible, arrest your criminals, clean up your atmosphere and oceans, take down your FEMA camps and zap Barney back to the stone age. Your passivity is truly awesome here.
Until next time, Little Ones,
I am Sa~Ni~Ti. Imbibe freely.