This is the last chapter............Not completely edited yet but I thought that it might be of interest....
"By 2008 Saul was posting consecutive chapters in a web Forum he had created. The "installments" came at the rate of about one per week. Thursday seemed to be the magical weekday. The storyline had attracted faithful and serious fans on the Forum who eagerly awaited each new release.
I continued as " Elizabeth Helen Drake", acting as Sauls Forum hostess. I saw my role as the gentle force that was supposed to keep the ball of conversation in play, even when Saul took time away on various vacations.
I didn't actually announce who I was until Saul had reached the point where he could write the words " THE END".. From this point on, he said, it was going to be the process of rewriting and looking for the proper publisher.
I celebrated the Christmas holdays of that year with a feeling of great expectation. I was thoroughly convinced that Saul was going to follow through. He had finished something that he called a " first draft"and was submitting a proposal to a select group of agents.
when I expressed concern that there was alot of my own personal story still included( which actually had nothing to do with Dads life or work) Saul promised that material would be removed or adjusted in the rewrite. "Don't worry about it." He kept saying.
The manuscript was quite long, over 600 pages. I figured that part of his plan to cut it to the proper length was the removal of the material that he had drawn from my journals.
I enjoyed the Christmas holidays totally convinced that he was moving forward positively and that I would be hearing from him soon regarding the rewrite.
But then, just a few days into the New Year of 2009, I started to recieve concerned phone calls from some of the Forum members. Each one of them asked urgently " Why is the Forum "down"? What is happening?"
I did not know and could not reach Saul on the phone. Without speaking a word to me, he posted a missive he called EPIC FAIL on his private Blog. He wrote that he had come to the conclusion that the saga of Thomas Townsend Brown was nothing but a " bag of shells. ( and empty shells at that). He no longer believed in it or any of his primary sources. He concluded by saying that he was going to go into the New Year shed of all of the things that had caused him so much emotional pain." And that" he wrote firmly..." was that!"
Things sometimes just do not "play out" the way that you figure they should. But that does not mean that they have veered from the path that was meant.
I had completely believed that Saul would write a book that would protect and restore my Dads proper reputation,one that would speak also of the sacrifices that my mother had endured. I grieved over how far short of my expectations the outcome had fallen.
A couple of weeks after posting his EPIC FAIL rant Saul published his admittedly unfinished manuscript as an Ebook.
I had devoted six years of my life, dredged up much emotional stress and even pain and had put my marriage at risk ,only to have the work end so badly. I grieved for Sauls' book the way a mother would grieve over a newborn being laid naked in the snow! In fact, when he finally talked to me on the phone I told him that was how I felt...( that he and I together had created this "wondrous baby", but I felt that he had placed that piece of creation out where it would die from the cold.) Why? Why did you do this Saul? And the only answer he had for me was a strange response, I thought. " I don't know."
There are no adequate words for the devastation that I felt.
And then something very odd began to happen.
When the Forum for the ttbrown.com site " went down" we all started to develop the mental image that we had been on a fine ship that had been steered onto a sandy shoal. One of the Forum members even criticized Saul for " sucking mud in his boilers".
I mentally pictured myself swimming to a far shore and I discovered that I was not alone. To the right and left of me were other Forum members doing the same thing. I discovered that I was not alone in my belief that Dads story was NOT a "bag full of shells".
Perhaps we looked a sorry sight... this mental image of a shipwrecked crew, certainly.
Chris Knight brought his own website...to give our discussions a home for awhile.
Now the mental image changed to that of a bright blue bus giving us a "lift" to another destination! We were a rowdy bunch! And we interacted with each other as if, no matter what had happened with Saul, we were going to continue on a grand and mysterious journey together!
This feeling prompted me to recall some of the words on the yellowed manuscript pages from Dads' odd note which he wrote in 1944. Among other things the " Rain on the Windows" transcript spoke of a man who would disappoint me, after several years. It also spoke of a group of people who would band together, almost magically. The phrase that was used was that they would " self-organize" following a certain flow of information. My Forum friends demonstrated that when they wasted no time organizing and providing for a continued group interaction and existence.
Mom and Dad taught me to follow a positive path . They knew that I would be surrounded by doubts and challenges but they always encouraged me in the steady belief that all would be well. And the Forum members supplied me with hope.
Saul chose to quit and "close up shop".
I chose to accept custody of my part of the story and to "go forth".
I believe that both Saul and I have done what was expected of us by a powerful intelligence and I recognize that this is leading to outcomes still unknown.
The Good-Bye Man isn't entirely about the "work of Townsend Brown". Its the story of a father who was involved in work so secret that he could not answer his own son when he was asked "Why do you choose this, over me?" Its about a daughter who somehow understood the answer would never be given, not by her father nor her lover, who chose to follow the same career. Its about a courageous wife who understood that the passion for the science would always come first with her husband, no matter how much they loved each other. And she was able to accept that reality and still support his lifes work.
And its about others too who have somehow felt that there was a story here worth telling. The members of several Forums have come together in an odd sort of "self organization" to encourage me and to add their voices to something that they sensed was important.
One of them said that our time together has been alot like a journey down an ancient hallway which has been lined with many closed doors on each side. The Good-Bye Man nudges these doors open but then goes on to open even more doors. The detailed investigations into those "rooms" will come later. But if this body of work has somehow offered a mystical "nudge" to each closed door..and left it open for others to explore..... then it has done what it was meant to do.
September 22, 2013