One day, Satan was out for a walk through Hell, making sure things were running smoothly. When he got to the Lake of Fire, he saw a man sitting by the lake, relaxing in a lawn chair, and not sweating or looking uncomfortable at all. Perplexed, Satan approached the man and asked:
"Young man, are you not hot or bothered by this heat?" The man replied, "Oh no, not at all. I lived in downtown Toronto and this weather is just like a typical July day in the city."
Satan thought that this was not a good sign, so he rushed back to his office and turned up the heat in Hell another 100 degrees. Satisfied with himself, he again returned to the Lake of Fire to check on the young man.
When he got there, the man was showing a few beads of sweat, but that was all. Again Satan asked the Toronto native, "Are you hot and uncomfortable yet?"
The young man looked up and said, "No, the temperature is just like a hot August day in Toronto. I'm coping it just fine."
Satan decided that he had to do something drastic to make this man's stay in Hell unpleasant. He went back to his office, turned the heat all the way down, and then turned up the air conditioning. The temperature in Hell quickly dropped well below zero. As he approached the Lake of Fire, he noticed that it was now frozen over. He also saw the young man jumping up and down wildly, waving his arms and yelling into the air.
"This looks promising!" thought Satan. Coming closer, he finally made out what the man was shouting:
"The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup! The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!"
The man said, "My dog watches all the Toronto Maple Leafs games on TV. Everytime they lose, he lies down and cries his eyes out."
His friend says, "That's incredible. What does he do when they win?" The man replied, "I don't know, I'll let you know when it actually happens."
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the bodies with dental records.
God made the rivers, and God made the lakes. But when God made the New York Rangers, he made a mistake!
Football players have cheerleaders, but hockey players take them home.
4 Out Of 5 dentists surveyed recommend playing hockey.
A Flyers fan, a Rangers fan, and Pamela Sue Anderson are sitting together in a train traveling to New York City when the train enters a tunnel and the car goes completely dark. Suddenly, there's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train comes out of the tunnel, Pamela Sue Anderson and the Flyers fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Rangers fan is holding his slapped face.The Rangers fan is thinking, "That Flyers fan must have kissed Pamela Sue and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead.
"Pamela Sue is thinking, "That Rangers fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Flyers fan, and got slapped for it.
"And the Flyers fan is thinking, "This is great.The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that stinking Ranger fan again."
An exhausted looking Montreal Canadiens fan dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the Canadiens fan answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the Canadiens fan returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the Canadiens fan wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"