http://www.armenianteens.com/newspaper.php
Funny newspaper headlines

(collected by journalists)
– Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
– Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
– Saftey Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
– Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
– Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
– Farmer Bill Dies In House
– Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
– Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
– Stud Tires Out
– Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
– Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
– Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
– British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
– Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
– Eye Drops Off Shelf
– Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
– Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
– Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
– Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to
– Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
– Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
– Miners Refuse to Work After Death
– Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
– Stolen Painting Found By Tree
– Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
– Two Sisters Reunited After Years In Checkout Counter
– Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In Years
– Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
– Drunken Drivers Paid $ in ‘
– War Dims Hope For Peace
– If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
– Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
– Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
– Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
– Deer Kill ,
– Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
– Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
– New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
– Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
– Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
– Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
– Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
– British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
– Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
– Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
– Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
– New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
– Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
– Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
– Air Head Fired
– Steals Clock, Faces Time
– Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
– Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
– Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
– Hospitals are Sued By Foot Doctors
– Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
– Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
– Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
– Guini-pig judge Quits – Sunday Express;
– Mice to be bombed – Today;
– Irish peat bog rocked by great sheep explosion – Independant;
– Mobile phone threat to universe;
– Swedish jet hijacked by bread roll – Int Herald Trib;
– Damp patches discovered on sun – New scientist;
– Husband bites wife’s ‘thing’ – The Monitor (Uganda);
– Physicist recommends bigger balls to slow down male tennis players – Guardian
– Objections raised to quake aid for aliens – Washington Times;
– Ferries must stay afloat in worst of storms, say safety engineers – Guardian
– New tabloid ‘owned by god’ – Kitchener (Ontario);
– Elves loose – Daily Echo;
– Mexican leader crashes to Earth – Guardian;
– Armageddon could threaten United’s Promotion push – West Cumbria News & Star;
– Explosion of Professors at universities – Sunday Times;
– Hairdo kills Mum – Daily Mirror;
– French Minister ‘condoned Police shooting of Aliens’ – Guardian;
– NASA briefly loses contact with Atlantis – Lewiston (ME);
– hurt as students demand right to cheat – Canberra Times;
– Giantkillers stretch town to the limit – Falmouth Packet
– Children’s Stool Great for Use in Garden
– Stud Tires Out
– Stiff Opposition to Casketless Funeral Plan
– Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
– Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
– Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
– Columnist Gets Urologist in Trouble with His Peers
– New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead
– New Missouri U. Chancellor Expects Little Sex
– 12 On Their Way to Cruise Among Dead in Plane Crash
– N.J. Judge to Rule on Nude Beach
– Chou Remains Cremated
– Chinese Apeman Dated
– Hershey Bars Protest
– Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
– Deer Kill 130,000
– Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly
– Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
– Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish
– Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
– Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
– Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
– Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted
– Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents
– Farmer Bill dies in house
– Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
– Prostitutes appeal to Pope
– Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
– Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
– British left waffles on Falkland Islands
– Eye drops off shelf
– Teacher strikes idle kids
– Shot off woman’s leg helps Nicklaus to 66
– Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
– Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
– Miners refuse to work after death
– Stolen painting found by tree
– Two soviet ships collide, one dies
– 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
– Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years
– Never withhold herpes infection from loved one
– Drunken drivers paid $1000 in ’84
– If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last a while
– Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide
– Two cars were reported stolen by the Groveton police yesterday.
– We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
– Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures –Daily Sun-Post (San Clemente, CA) 1/17/77
– Sneak Attack by Soviet Bloc Not Foreseen –The Atlanta Journal 4/4/79
– War Dims Hopes for Peace –Wisconsin State Journal 12/27/65
– Blue Skies Unless its Cloudy –San Francisco Chronicle 5/29/??
– Bankrupt Association Termed in Poor Shape –Lawrence (KA) Journal-World 7/12/77
– Food is Basic to Student Diet –Bridgeport (CN) Post 1/18/78
– (Reported in the (U.K.) Guardian recently, and relayed by Martin Hughes
– We take ghoul care of you!
– Lack Of Water Hurts Ice Fishing
– Yellow Snow Tested For Nutrition
– Gas Smell Diverts Flight, But It Was Just Passengers Pants
– Man Accused Of Excessively Passing Wind
– Cookies With Condoms Fail Family Taste-Test
– Condom Firm Streches Product Line
– White Flower Two Day Sale-(Friday ONLY)
– Toxic Waste Tour Planned
– Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
– Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
– House passes gas tax onto senate
– Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
– William Kelly was fed secretary
– Milk drinkers are turning to powder
– Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
– Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
– Organ festival ends in smashing climax
– Dealers will hear car talk at noon
– Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
– Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
– Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better
– Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
– Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday
– Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years
– Man is fatally slain
– Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
– Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
– Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
– Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
– Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
– New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
– Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
– Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
– Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
– Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
– British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
– Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
– Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
– Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
– New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
– Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
– Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
– Air Head Fired
– Steals Clock, Faces Time
– Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
– Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
– Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
– Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
– Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
– Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
– Include your Children when Baking Cookies