CASPER
THE FRIENDLY GHOST
Due to the climate of political correctness now
pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans
and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BA BE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN.' 2. She is not a 'SCREAMER'
or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'
3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED
DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED
COMPANION.'
6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY
IMPAIRED.'
7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' -
She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'
8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY
ENHANCED.'
9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'
11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is
'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'
12 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST
PRO VIDER.' Love this one.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND
BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'
- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES
ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL
DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'
6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes
'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'
7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case
of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
8 He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'
9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP
CHALLENGED.'
10.. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'
11.. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'REAR CLEAVAGE'
Please use your best judgment when referring to these people,
so as to make it more comfortable for the rest of us.
A good friend will bail you out of Jail.
A TRUE friend will sit next you in Jail and say:
'That Sure Was Fun!'
pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans
and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BA BE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN.' 2. She is not a 'SCREAMER'
or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'
3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED
DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED
COMPANION.'
6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY
IMPAIRED.'
7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' -
She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'
8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY
ENHANCED.'
9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'
11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is
'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'
12 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST
PRO VIDER.' Love this one.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND
BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'
- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES
ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL
DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'
6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes
'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'
7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case
of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
8 He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'
9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP
CHALLENGED.'
10.. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'
11.. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'REAR CLEAVAGE'
Please use your best judgment when referring to these people,
so as to make it more comfortable for the rest of us.
A good friend will bail you out of Jail.
A TRUE friend will sit next you in Jail and say:
'That Sure Was Fun!'