Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely, Unicorns

-------------------------------------------------

Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely, Logic

-------------------------------------------------

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely, The Titanic

----------------------------------------------------

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely, Canada

----------------------------------------------

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...

Sincerely, Google

-------------------------------------------------

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985

-----------------------------------------------

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely, BP

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely, Alcohol

--------------------------------------------------

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ended there because some Spanish douche bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely, The Mayans

-------------------------------------------------------

Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely, Native Americans

--------------------------------------------------

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely, Every iPhone User

-------------------------------------------------------

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up....

Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

---------------------------------------------

Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely, Elephant