Hello retmeishka, what's new with you?
Hello retmeishka, what's new with you?
Hello, all, I believe I am a targetted individual. It's been going on for at leaste a year now, and the "symptoms / harasssment / vividness of the "attacks" grow as time goes on. Making me look and sound crazier than anyone I've ever seen.
I seem to have way more symptoms of being a target tha n anyone I have been reading up on, here or anywhere.
It all began when I was in the middle of an argument with my gf. Now fiancee. She stormed out, and when I lose my temper I say some pretty harsh things.
After she slammed the door, a voice came from nowhere saying "I hate you". I was currently a raging meth addict, and still dabble to this day. Which helps make me look just loonie. Always discredited. Even my fiancee blames the drugs, and wont look for the faces I see.
I know it is not the drugs, because even when I'm sober the voices chime in. "You're a piece of shit" "You're an asshole" "you are the stupidest person I've ever met... Usually my mother's voice. Who is still alive... However, I've heard her in my head and seen her talking to my brother at the same time. So I don't know if anyone is capable of holding two conversations at the same time, but I can't
It started off with just voices..... My fiancee's Guardian angel is what they said they were. Then it was ghosts, or an evil spirit, then it was my mother. And she's talking to me right now.
She has told me I am dead, in limbo, that I am responsible for having my brother executed in North Korea, as he lives in South Korea, that I am in a virtual reality prison in North Korea. Then told me I am simply in a virtual reality world, and showed me, by telling me to look out the window, and making the mountain across the way float up and down, as though it were an image in photoshop being cut and pasted, and moved around.
She told me its a virtual reality called Oculus Rift, which I had never heard of before the voice in my head telling me this. She has told me I have raped and murdered a 15 year old, and that I'm actually in the process of doing it right now. O_o
I was convinced about the virtual reality world for a while, and still wont rule it out, as i see faces in anything I look at. Picturesque quality faces in the mountains, grass, trees... etc
She tells me everyone can hear me when I think which scares me, because I grew up without any real personality, and I replaced it with "just say weird shit to throw people off" and I get some pretty gnarly thoughts all the time. I accidentally call fat people fat when i see them, i call handi capped people retards.... I say the things I am trying not to say, if that makes any sense. ...... Don't think of a rainbow.... now that did you picture?
My mom once had me convinced my fiancee was going to be killed, or in trouble. So I got in her car, with no license, and started running red lights and blowing stop signs to go save her. When she left work to come tend to my mental illness, my mother told me we were already dead, and reliving the day of our accident, and I should just run the car head on into another vehicle. Killing my fiance, and I, and whoever else was on the road. Now my reality, at this point doesnt make any sense, so I wasn't ruling anything out. This was of course before I realized they never speak the truth.
Sometimes, i notice people reacting to my thoughts sometimes too... as though they can hear my thoughts. However, I have been very meen to people in my head in their presence, and the physical version of them is unchanged, and not upset, however, the voice version gets irate.
I see holograms of my mother, my father, and sometimes even see what appear to be entities made of heat waves, or static. Sometimes they will hold or caress my hand, other times, they will rub my thighs, and area, later to say I cheated on my gf. I see faces in shadows, patterns in counters and carpets often become a collage of faces, big and small. Sometimes they are moving images, toher times they are still. I have seen pictures moving, farther from the wall, then reattaching itself to the wall, and the images inside these pictures also move. At one point the ground was moving, as though it was made of water, yet eveyone was still functioning as though it wasn't happening, and I was also relatively unnaffected by it, except for the constant sea sickness and dizziness. Many People act suspicious, as though they know im being watched, many others seem to say they go through the same thing, friends of mine tell me they hear or heard voices too, and I'm not alone, but the voices assure me they are just making fu of me. Other people only seemed to come forward after i had voiced my troubles.
My mom often tells me someone hates me so much that they are peeing on me, or pooing on me. In whatever realm they are from. Sometimes I can smell the feces. Other times I can smell booze on someone's breathe, or just their breathe in general.
They tell me im the chosen one and if i find out whats going on the world as we know it ends. So they constantly mis guide me. Often like to distract me while I'm looking for work, or even at work. They can reduce me to an incompetant lump of fear at work, I can hardly function. It's like they like to bring me up to tear me down.
I have a feeling someone or something is always watching me, as the faces seldom go away now, and the voices never stop. They are never pleasant. Ever.
All I hear at work is how terrible I am doing, how bad of an employee I am, and that the boss is going to fire me. He doesn't like me... every day every thought I have gets processed by my mother and a handful of other voices before I even really know what I was thinking, and they just rip on me. "Piece of shit "asshole" "you're the stupidest person I've ever met" Like a broken record all day.
No one believes me, and if they do. They don't get it. they are humoring me, or worse, they're in on it too.
I have just recently started using an mp3 player outdoors when I am going anywhere, but I am a prisoner in my own mind!!!
Please somone find out whats happening to me. I just want my old reality back where up was down and black was white. Where mountains don't move, and people dont gaze at me from patterns in the mountains.
Anyways. All i'm getting at is if you only suffer voices, consider yourself lucky, as they have invaded every one of my senses. Sight, Sound, Smell, Touch, and yes Even weird tastes.
I don't know how to end this, as I can ramble on for days, as this is constant, its my own personal nightmare, every day. And every day is a new scenario of whats going on.