My name is Alejandro and this isn't the first forum community I have joined. I always manage to get myself kicked out and banned for life so please feel free to place your bets at how long I’ll last here.
Sometimes I get kicked out for saying I wrote a book. No one ever likes that, I still haven’t figured it out. Before I became an author I was in porn. From porn to prose, I do it all. I guess that would make me somewhat of a Renaissance Man. I’m not that self-glorifying so I just think of myself as well-rounded.
Other times I get kicked out for typing out the phrase “ IN EMINENTI.” How was I supposed to know it was a deadly weapon? :innocent: Yeah, so now I’m not allowed within 500 ft of the Los Angeles Archdiocese. It made Cardinal Mahoney so scared he filed a restraining order against me, f**ker called me “dangerous” All that holy water and altar boy orgies has apparently had a negative effect on his sense of reality because he’s delusional. I am 5’ 7’’ and I weigh 120 after a large meal—WTF “dangerous?”
Well he’s not the only one because every fat cat in Hollywood pisses himself the minute I bounce into the room. I paid the CIA one little visit and Piraeus jumped ship, f**ker panicked. Don’t they train them not to panic? Hell, back in 2005 the DEA started giving their agents a three-day training course all about me… and then they tell me “Calm down sir, not everything is about you.” Well, thank god it’s not because if it wasn’t for that little training course I would never have been able to saunter my pretty a** through MIA customs like a cock on a wall.
Man, I should write a book… [bad joke]
Well, if you’ve made this far I must be doing something right. Everyone calls me “crazy” and I tell them that I only appear to be crazy, because they lack the intellect to be able to comprehend my creativity, which only makes them more confused. Look, don’t judge me for playing with stupid people. If it wasn't for them, I would have nothing to play with … except myself and that just isn't inappropriate—it’s not like I’m still 20 years old and can get paid for it.
That must be why everyone’s so scared of me. I am not a conspiracy theorist. In fact, up until they made the effort to f**k with my life, we all had our d**ks in the same wh*re—at the same time too. I don’t need to theorize, I already know all the secrets.
I produced a video and it made Obama’s testicles pull up so quick they’re call him Alvin on Capitol Hill—fact. I’m not going to mention the title or anything because I don’t want to get accused of spamming, God forbid. Well, Youtube freaked out and pulled it within a couple hours. You would think it would have made me paranoid and looking for bug up my a** [sorry I'm colorful I can't help it].
I told them to sue me because I've been building a $100 Million-dollar counter law suit I would love to smack them in the mouth with. I think it scared them because they didn't touch the second version I uploaded. I hate that version, it makes me sound like a whiny b*tch crying “Why me?”—I hate that!
Anyway, so yeah, that kind of wraps it up in a nutshell—easy to swallow [keep the jokes to yourselves] LOL
Ok guys, places those bets Let’s see who ends up on top. [puh- duhm-pum]