Steps to a good relationship: the 7 spiritual laws
Monday, February 16, 2009
In the past relationships were entered into for life, which costs should remain. Often, those partners do not agree or little, before they were married. Today we see the other extreme, many people prefer to break their relationship than they have to close some major compromises to the relationship to maintain.
The joy and the issue of relationships to each man, including many psychologists and relationship therapists, buoys. However acquires knowledge about the seven spiritual laws of relationships can save a lot of suffering. These seven laws are: commitment, together, growth, communication, reflection, responsibility and forgiveness. Ferrini explains clearly and convincingly how these laws affect our relationships. The three parts of the book and go on alone, having a relationship and finally changing or (lovingly) closure of an existing relationship. People who are fully accountable for their healing process and contribute forgiving, will feel themselves addressed by Ferrini's approach to relationship problems. They learn more than to see how partners can communicate without being biased, or to blame each other, and how they can give each other the space to continue to grow.
The 7 spiritual laws of relationships
1. The Law of Involvement
A spiritual relationship requires mutual commitment
If your events within your relationship will make the first line reads: Be honest. Do you no different than you are. Do not you agree that you can not keep just to the other fun to do. If you are honest at this stage, you will in the future misery save. So never promise something you can not give. If your partner eg you expect that you will have faith and you know you have trouble for someone to have faith, do not promise that you will be faithful. Say: 'I am sorry that I can not promise. "
For the sake of fairness and balance in the relationship, the promises that you two do have mutual and not one side. It is a spiritual law that you can not get what you can not give. So expect your partner no promises that you do not want to do.
We must keep our promises as long as we can without treason to commit ourselves. It is also a spiritual law that anyone can take seriously and to his right can come if you need to make it treason to oneself.
The law involved is filled with irony and paradox. If you do not like you're planning to keep your promise, you have no promise. But if you promise from guilt or sense of duty fulfilled, the promise loses its meaning. A promise is a voluntary gesture. If not voluntarily, then it loses its meaning. Keep your partner ever leave the making of his promises, so that he / she is now and in the future in good faith with you can continue. It is a spiritual law that you can only have what you dare to give. The more you give the gift, the more you can be.
2. The law of joint
A spiritual relationship is required together
It is difficult for a relationship with someone who does not agree with your view on relationships, values and standards, your lifestyle, your interests and your way of doing things. Before you consider a serious relationship with someone to go, it is important to know that you enjoy each other's company, respecting each other and in different areas have something in common.
After the romantic phase, the phase of realism. At this stage we are faced with the challenge to accept our partner as he / she is. We can him / her to change so that he or she fits the image that we have a partner. Ask yourself whether you can accept your partner as he / she is now. No partner is perfect. No partner is perfect. No partner meets all of our hopes and dream images.
In this second phase of the relationship is about accepting each other's strengths and weaknesses, the dark and light aspects, the hopeful and the fearful expectations. If you a lasting, spiritual uplifting relationship to train, do you well to ensure that you and your partner a shared vision of that relationship and agree on your values and beliefs, your sphere of interest and the degree of involvement together.
3. The Law of Growth
In a spiritual relationship, both have the freedom to grow and as individuals to express
Differences in a relationship as important as the similarities. You are very easy for people who are the same as you, but it's not so easy to love people who do not agree with your values, standards and interests. To that end, your unconditional love. Spiritual partnership is based on unconditional love and acceptance.
Borders are in a relationship is very important. The fact that you are a bunch does not mean that an individual ceases to be. In fact you can see the strength of a relationship measured by the extent to which partners feel free to intervene in the relationship of self-realization to come.
Growth and together in a relationship as important. It promotes joint stability and a sense of proximity. Growth promotes learning and a widening of consciousness. When in a relationship the need for security (joint) predominates, there is a risk of emotional stagnation and creative frustration. If the need for growth predominates, there is a risk of emotional instability, loss of contact and lack of confidence. For these potential problems, you and your partner look at the needs of growth and safety each of you has. Your partner and you need to determine what each position you take when it comes to a balance between joint and growth.
The balance between personal development and solidarity must constantly be monitored.
This balance will change over time, because the needs of partners and the needs within the relationship change. Good communication between partners ensures that neither will feel blocked or loses contact.
4. The Law of Communication
A spiritual relationship is regular, honest, non-accusing communication a necessity
The essence of communication is listening. We need our own thoughts and feelings, listen and take responsibility for others before we can make. Then, when we blame others without to have given expression to our thoughts and feelings, we must listen to what others say their thoughts and feelings.
There are two ways of listening. One is listening with an opinion and the other is listening without opinion. If we listen with an opinion, we do not really listen. It does not matter if we listen to someone else or ourselves. In both cases, the view keeps us from really hearing what is thought or felt.
Communication is there or not. Frank communication sincerity on the part of the speaker and acceptance from the listener. To criticize the speaker and the listener is judging, then there is no communication, then there is an attack.
To communicate effectively you must do the following:
- Listen to your own thoughts and feelings until you know what that is and understand that they are yours and nobody else.
- Give others honestly express what you think and feel, not to criticize them or try them accountable for what you do or how you feel.
- Listen without judging by the thoughts and feelings that others want to tell you. Remember that everything they say, think and feel, a description of their mood. This may be something with your own mind to do, but maybe not.
If you find that you want to improve or you want to defend when their thoughts and feelings towards you make you may not really listen and you'll probably hit sensitive spots. It may be that a piece of you reflect that you (still) do not want to see.
There is a commandment that you must take the chance of successful communication enlarge: try not to talk with your partner when you are upset or angry. Request timed out. It is important to keep your mouth until you everything you really think and feel for yourself and you know that some of you. Do you not, it's likely that your partner does things by the accusations and blame the misunderstanding and the sense of distance between you both just bigger. If you're upset, you should not to your partner anything. Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings.
Good communication helps you and your partner to emotionally connected to continue.
5. The law of Mirror
What we are not pleased with our partner is a reflection of what we are uncomfortable and not acceptable to find ourselves
If you try to flee away from yourself, a relationship is the last place where you should you try to hide.
The purpose of an intimate relationship is that you learn your own fears, judgments, doubts and uncertainties to face up to.
If our partner fears and doubts in our emancipated, and that happens in any intimate relationship if we do not directly face. You can do two things, or you can concentrate on what your partner did or said wrong and try our partner to the extent that he / she deems it no longer does, or you can take responsibility for your fears and / or doubts. In the first case, we deny our pain / fear / doubt to tackle someone else responsible for it. In the second case, let the pain / fear / doubt to call us, we give it and let our partners know what is in our interest. The main point about this exchange is not that you say: 'You were ugly to me,' but 'What you said / did, gave me anxiety / pain / clear top.
The question that I should make is not: "Who attacked me?", But: "Why do I feel attacked?". You are solely responsible for the healing of the pain / doubt / fear, even if another person who has the wound open Gerets. Every time something our partner in our emancipated, we get the opportunity to have our illusions (beliefs about ourselves and others that are not true) to see through them once and for always dropping.
It is a spiritual law that what us another bothering us that part of ourselves shows that we do not want to love and accept. Your partner is a mirror that helps you face to go with you. Everything we find difficult to accept ourselves is reflected in our partner. If we find our partner eg selfish could be because we are selfish to work. Or it may be that our partner stands up for himself and that is something we can not or dare.
When we fight our own inner awareness and ourselves can keep the responsibility for our misery on our partner project, our partner our main teacher. When this intense learning in the mutual relationship, the partnership was transformed into a spiritual path to self-knowledge and fulfillment.
6. The Law of Responsibility
In a spiritual relationship both partners take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and experiences
It is perhaps ironic that a relationship which is clearly focusing on sharing and camaraderie, nothing else than that we take responsibility for ourselves. Everything we think, feel and experience is for us. All our partner thinks, feels and experiences, to hear him or her. The beauty of this sixth spiritual law is lost for those who want their partner responsible for their happiness or misery.
You remember is a projection of the biggest challenges of a relationship. If you can admit what you hear - your thoughts, feelings and actions - and your partner can show him / her hear - his / her thoughts, feelings and actions - to create healthy boundaries between you and your partner. The challenge is that you honestly say what you feel or do (eg: I am sad) without trying to make partner is responsible (eg, I am sad because you were not at home).
If we want to take responsibility for our own existence, we have to accept as it is. We must let our interpretations and judgments, or us at least be aware of. We need our partners are not responsible for what we think or feel. When we realize that we are responsible for what happens, it is always free to make another choice.
7. The Act of Forgiveness
A spiritual relationship is ongoing forgiveness of yourself and your partner is a part of daily practice
If we are going to try in our thinking and our relationships shape the discussion spiritual laws, we must not lose sight that we are not perfect will. There is no perfection on the human level. How well partners well together, how much they love each other, no relationship is without Trammelant and struggle.
To ask forgiveness does not mean that you go to the other toegaat and says: 'Excuse me'. It means that you toegaat the other and says: 'This is for me. I hope you can accept and something that can. I do my best. " It means that you learn to your own situation to accept, even though it is difficult, and your partner the chance to accept. If you can accept what you feel or think when you really want an opinion about skins is that self-forgiveness. The feelings and thoughts of your partner accept when you actually want to consider a paper or something wrong with you, is an extension of that self-forgiveness to him / her. This lets you know your partner: "I forgive myself that I condemned you. It is my intention at all to accept you as you are. "
If we realize that we are always in every situation but a man to forgive, namely ourselves, we see finally that the keys to the kingdom in the hands have been. Due to forgive ourselves for what we think of others, we feel for our free will to react differently to them.
You can not find forgiveness as long as you or others continue to criticize. You need to find a way to blame for responsibility to be.
Forgiveness does not make sense if you are not aware of your own sensitivities and are not willing to fix something to do. Pain calls you up. It puts you to your conscious and responsible participation.
Many people think that forgiveness is a daunting task. They think you have to change yourself or your partner should ask to change. Although change occurs as a result of forgiveness, you can not change demand.
Ask forgiveness rather than outward and to inner change. If your partner no longer blame themselves and take responsibility for your sorrow and your displeasure, occurs forgiveness process in motion. Forgiveness is not something done as well as something undone. It allows us to blame and criticize it. Only a continuous process of forgiveness enables us to maintain partnership with its inevitable ups and downs experiences. Forgiveness erases guilt and blame road and enables us to turn our emotional connection with our partner and our commitment to renew the relationship.