How to stop fantasizing and accept the reality
Friday, February 12, 2010
Fantasizing is fun. I think that adults almost as much imagination as children. How would it be to find that ideal job? For now its a hot country? In order to win the lottery? All nice fantasies give you energy and make you happy.
Yet a fantasy also frustrating when you failed to let this reality and you compare it with continuous disappointing.
Then comes the life you lead (or the situation where you are in) to chronic and are you fighting against reality. And a fight against the reality you lose, always.
In the article Drie tips voor een ontspannen leven. |
I've already talked about earlier. I would mention in this article a little more depth.
Let's look at a number of fantasies that many of us have and ask ourselves whether we really be happier:
Fantasy No. 1: Yourself
Thought: I wish I smarter, more extroverted, less lazy, younger, smarter, more popular and was more communicative. I wish I had more qualifications, more skills or a better resume.
Key thought: I wish I was different than I am.
The reality: The reality is that you are who you are. You're not the smartest or the dumbest. Not the youngest nor the oldest. Not the best nor the worst. We often compare ourselves with an ideal that has nothing to do with reality. Of course we are smarter or more active, but what's wrong with who we really are? As you are, you're fine. Maybe you will never win the Nobel Prize or an earth-shattering invention, but that's okay. On your own, unique way, you worthwhile, for the people around you.
The choice: Accept yourself as you are. With all your faults and bad qualities you are still worthwhile. Do not be too demanding on yourself. This prevents expectations that almost nobody (and therefore not you) can hold. Compare yourself with others. They are unique and you too.
Fantasy No. 2: The past.
Thought: I wish I had other decisions made earlier. I wish I could go back to the past. I had only ever done this. I had never done that.
Key idea: If the past had been otherwise, I was happier now.
The reality: The past is closed. There is nothing you can do now to get it back. Sometimes that is unfortunate, but it is the truth. If you are too stuck in the past, it is your future in the road. Perhaps this thought may be comforting: "With the knowledge you had and the person you were, you did the best decision." Now you would probably have done differently, but who does not? Forgive yourself for your mistakes, close it and make a new start.
The choice: Choose to peace with the past. You've done your best. You can now nothing to change. Why fight against something that does not come back? If you fight against the past, you fight against your own thoughts. Try the lesson you've learned from the past to use for better choices in the future.
Fantasy No. 3: Others.
Thought: I wish they did not. That they were taking more with me. I do not understand why they do it. But they were different!
Key thought: If they do what I want then fine.
The reality: The reality is that others are as they are and we can do very little to change that. This is unfortunate because we would almost all like that some people behaved differently. This fantasy is doubly frustrating: you frustrate others with an expectation that they disagree. And you yourself frustrated that you failed to change them.
The choice: Choose to accept others as they are. Give yourself the energy that it gives when you stop wanting to change others. It never succeeds total control. You do not think you change others? If they do not want to do what you want and you do not really can live, take away.
Fantasy No. 4: Your situation.
Thought: I wish I was somewhere else. I'm not in this situation Sat I was a nicer job, nicer house or another partner had.
Key thought: If I'm not in that situation, I was happier.
Reality: Unfortunately, you're in this situation. And no fancy going to change that. But frustration is good! Frustration makes you put things in motion goes. And that will improve your situation. Imagine how it could be you will not help. Only action is the difference between dreams and reality.
The choice: Choose to have something to do! Make a start today for a positive change into operation. If you can not help or want to do, you must accept the current situation. But do not give up too easily! You can do much more than you think and many small steps to bridge a large distance. Even the Egyptian pyramids were built brick by brick.
As you fight the real cost. Wish that the reality is different, cost you a lot of energy. You break your head about whatever you want and are disappointed that it does not. "If only it were different ..." You can not change the reality: you are as you are, others are as they are and the past will not return.
So fight the reality is a scenario for frustration. It is much smarter to understand that it is simply the reality and let go.
That does not mean you should accept everything uncritically and no action can take: You can continue to develop yourself. You can now make better choices for the future. You can give others your opinion on their behavior. These are the choices you have.
The cow in the meadow. Sel you that a cow in a pasture. And a cow following the human mind would have:
"I wish I were a horse, I could run faster. Oh, I was a horse! " "I wish I had last week put aside some grass, then today I did not graze. Why did I do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid! " "I wish that other cows less smashed. It's driving me crazy! "
Okay, maybe a strange example, but if it is clear why these thoughts frustrating. When we laugh at these examples, why not we laugh at ourselves?
Give yourself the freedom to accept the reality. The choices that you make you feel comfortable and you'll find that the relief and space you create in your life.
On your success!
Frank the Moei Capedium Coaching NewStart: Geluk en Succes door Coaching en Tips! Home